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Wednesday, February 25, 2015

By James Forsyth for The Mail on Sunday

Published: 00:24 GMT, 23 November 2014 | Updated: 17:58 GMT, 23 November 2014


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A confident of Labour leader Ed Miliband said: 'We have become a magnet for bad luck and bad timing' A confident of Labour leader Ed Miliband said: 'We have become a magnet for bad luck and bad timing'

This was meant to be the weekend when the unforgiving political spotlight shifted from Ed Miliband to David Cameron. But Emily Thornberry’s sneering tweet has put Labour’s woes front and centre.

As one Miliband confidant says dejectedly: ‘We have become a magnet for bad luck and bad timing.’

Thornberry now has the dubious distinction of uniting Miliband critics and loyalists alike in condemnation of her stupidity. One Labour MP slated it as ‘Emily being a poverty tourist’.

But Labour is bitterly divided over how the incident was handled. Several of Miliband’s longest-standing political allies feel that the party machine has badly mishandled the issue and made the leader look inauthentic and ridiculous. And that the heavy-handed sacking of Thornberry has blown up in their faces and allowed the Tories to slink away relatively unscathed from defeat in Rochester.

Some Miliband backers are also deeply suspicious of the motives of the Labour people who demanded Thornberry’s head. As one Labour frontbencher puts it: ‘It’s not really about her but about other people who live in North London.’

The suspicion is that the real target of the attack on the Islington set is Miliband’s own office, which includes two Oxford politics dons who live there.

Miliband’s brutality in sacking a long-standing supporter has sent shivers through the ranks. As one member of the Shadow Cabinet mutters darkly: ‘Life expectancy levels have collapsed markedly.’

But what’s really stung Labour is that the weakness of Miliband’s position has allowed the crisis to escalate. ‘If we were stronger, we could have seen this out,’ complains one Shadow Cabinet member, while a downhearted Labour frontbencher gloomily concedes: ‘It’s a reflection of where we are... if this had happened 18 months ago, they could have laughed this off.’

And Labour figures don’t expect things to improve any time soon. One warns: ‘We have to be prepared for a drama every week.’ And, in the damning assessment of one Shadow Minister, this is because ‘if you haven’t got a compelling narrative, that’s what’s going to happen’.

So what can Labour do? ‘We can’t have another relaunch,’ cautions one member of Miliband’s circle.

So, this week Labour will return to its all-too-familiar argument that the Tories and their recovery is for the few and they are for the many. They’ll also be turning up the volume on immigration, as the Labour high command is convinced this is a prerequisite to winning over voters on other issues such as the NHS and living standards.

For their part, the Tories have to – as David Cameron puts it – get the boulder of immigration off the road before they can push on for victory. One senior Downing Street figure says: ‘The faster you move it, the quicker you can accelerate down the road.’

This is why there is a growing group urging Cameron to bring forward his big speech on immigration – and make it before the autumn statement on December 3. I’m told by a Downing Street source that once the speech is done, ‘All we talk about is the economy and issues of national security’.

Immigration all over by Christmas? I suspect that Mr Farage may have something to say about that.

Emily Thornberry was sacked as shadow attorney general after provoking a storm of protests when she tweeted a picture of a house draped in flags with a white van parked outside and captioned it 'Image from Rochester' Emily Thornberry was sacked as shadow attorney general after provoking a storm of protests when she tweeted a picture of a house draped in flags with a white van parked outside and captioned it 'Image from Rochester'

Samantha Cameron is said to be strictly policing the guest list for the Camerons' Christmas bash at Chequers Samantha Cameron is said to be strictly policing the guest list for the Camerons' Christmas bash at Chequers

 It is this year’s most prized party invitation – the Camerons’ Christmas bash at Chequers.

Those hoping for an invite have been nervously checking their inboxes to see if they have received the golden ticket from Samantha Cameron, left.

The guest list has, I am told, been strictly policed by the Prime Minister’s wife to include friends rather than politicos, which explains why some are smarting at not being on the list. It’ll take place shortly before the Christmas holidays and isn’t on a school night, so a good time can be had by all.

But those expecting yule log and eggnog are going to be disappointed. For the Camerons have decided to go for a more unusual combination – curry and cocktails.

The Tory leadership is still frantically trying to find out if there is another Ukip defector in their midst. But exposing the third man is no easy task.

One Ukip hunter tells me: ‘The people most at risk are the loners, those who don’t have that network of friends and don’t enjoy the social aspect of it. But they’re the most difficult to reach out to.’

John Baron, the Tory MP for Basildon and Billericay, is the figure who is causing the Tory high command the most concern. They regard him as the most likely to jump next.

This is understandable given his unwillingness to rule out joining Nigel Farage’s party.

A senior Ukip figure tells me the party is selecting its candidate for the seat in the second week of December, so if Baron wants to be their man he’d better get a move on.

‘These defections won’t happen quickly,’ one senior Conservative backbencher predicts. ‘There’ll be a slow sense things are not getting any better and they’re more likely to hold as Ukip than Tory.’

This means the defection risk will peak when MPs return to Westminster in the New Year. But, as one Downing Street source admits, it won’t be until nominations close for the General Election that Cameron can be sure that there isn’t a third man.

The EU wants to get its mitts on our Marigolds. Brussels’ proposed ‘Personal Protective Equipment Regulation’ would mean that makers of washing-up gloves would have to prove that they can withstand detergent.

Meanwhile, oven gloves would have to be certified to show they could withstand heat of 200°C. This bureaucratic nonsense could push the price of these items up by 20 per cent. The Government is determined to fight this regulatory overkill. Business Minister Matt Hancock tells me: ‘This EU power grab for our kitchen sinks is completely bonkers.’

‘Red warning lights are again flashing on the dashboard of the global economy.’

David Cameron argues that in a precarious financial climate, voters should re-elect his party. 

‘If that’s what he has done, that is what should be done to him. A head for a head.’

Ahmed Muthana, father of a young British man, Nasser, who was videoed seemingly taking part in an Islamic State execution.

‘I give them chillies for punishment. It’s not popular beating kids any more and, if you are a celebrity chef, it doesn’t look good in the paper.’

Jamie Oliver enters the child discipline debate by saying he punished his daughter by tricking her into eating a hot chilli.

Myleene Klass flummoxed Ed Miliband with an unexpected attack on his proposed 'mansion tax' Myleene Klass flummoxed Ed Miliband with an unexpected attack on his proposed 'mansion tax'

‘You may as well just tax me on this glass of water. You can’t just point at things and tax them.’

Pop personality Myleene Klass flummoxes Ed Miliband with an unexpected attack on his proposed ‘mansion tax’.

‘It was a real goldfish bowl under the magnifying glass tonight, and it was good the players stood up to it.’

England football coach Roy Hodgson gets his metaphors in a twist after his side beat Scotland 3-1 at Celtic Park.

‘Every time a friend’s child succeeds, I feel something so unpleasant there isn’t a word for it, not even in German.’

Columnist Judith Woods describes her envy and self-reproach when other people’s children do well.

‘Each morning my wife says farewell in the manner of Japanese women who waved off pilot husbands to the Second World War.’

TV presenter Jeremy Vine on the perils of cycling in London, shortly before being stopped by police for cycling dangerously fast.

‘And you wonder why no one wants to vote for you and your vacuum-packed Lefty snobs.’

An irate Twitter user reacts to Labour MP Emily Thornberry’s by-election photo of a white van outside a house draped with England flags.

‘People who murder get treated better than this. That’s the truth. Even a murderer gets fed three times a day.’

Towie star Gemma Collins, quits I’m A Celebrity... after three days.

‘I’d rather remove my gall bladder with an oyster fork.’

Actress Bonnie Langford, reveals she has declined five offers to join the celebrities in the jungle.

Celebrity chef Jamie Oliver said he punished his daughter by tricking her into eating a hot chilli Celebrity chef Jamie Oliver said he punished his daughter by tricking her into eating a hot chilli

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