Nigel Farage answers all of your questions about Christmas dinner

By Craig Brown for the Daily Mail

Published: 00:41 GMT, 23 December 2014 | Updated: 00:55 GMT, 23 December 2014

Q: When should we start preparing our Christmas lunch, Nigel?

Nigel says: Frankly, I’d ignore all those directives and what-not coming from the so-called experts. They just want to panic us, don’t they? So, in all honesty, my advice is don’t bother to lift a finger until maybe half an hour or so before you want to eat. Just sit back and relax with a pint or two of bitter and a bottle of bubbly.

That’s one thing the so-called EU can’t stop us doing. Cheers!

Q: So if I’m eating at 1pm, you’re saying I shouldn’t put my turkey in the oven until 12.30pm?

Nigel says: That should give you at least 20 minutes to spare! At this time of year, there’s the most almighty amount of stuff and nonsense talked about spending umpteen hours roasting your turkey.

That’s EU bureaucracy for you! For further information, why not drop a line to Ukip’s health spokes-man, Billy Bunter MEP.

Q: Are you saying turkey is best eaten raw?

Nigel says: Now you’re misquoting me! I never once said I want to eat my turkey raw. To me, raw turkey is foreign and totally un-British.

What I said was — and let’s be quite clear about this — what I said was: ‘Let’s have that debate! Openly. We need an open debate about the best way to cook turkey!’

Let’s face it, we’re a nation that has been eating turkey for Christmas for many hundreds of years. If we want to slice our turkey up and squeeze it into the toaster, or perhaps cover it with a nice bit of Marmite and fry it for a couple of minutes, then that is, I believe, our inalienable right.

Frankly, in recent years, our Christmas turkeys have taken such a very, very long time to roast largely because of our open-door immigration policy — but, then again, we’re not allowed to say that these days, are we?!

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Nigel Farage said we’re a nation that has been eating turkey for Christmas for many hundreds of years and if we want to slice our turkey up and squeeze it into the toaster, or perhaps cover it with a nice bit of Marmite and fry it for a couple of minutes, then that is, I believe, our inalienable right

Q: So you’d recommend covering my turkey with Marmite?

Nigel says: That’s not what I said! And even if it was what I said, it’s not what I’m saying now because, let’s be crystal-clear about this, what I am saying now is never what I said then, and there’s, frankly, no earthly reason why it should be!

Hic! Look, if you want to follow all the laws and directives and processes and compliances from Brussels on how to cook your Christmas turkey, well, that’s your funeral!

I say it’s high time we stood up for ourselves and said: ‘Hands off our Great British Christmas turkey! If we want to bung it in a frying pan for a couple of minutes then that is one Great British tradition which, frankly, we are prepared to fight for!’

To find out more, drop a line to our great Ukip environmental spokesman Montgomery Burns MEP.

Turkey is a part of our national pride. For me, it’s as 100 per cent British as the Brussels sprout. Why else would they have such thoroughly British names?

Q: What about all the trimmings? Any top tips for how to cook the bacon, stuffing, bread sauce and chipolatas, Nigel?

Nigel says Well, there’s an awful lot of health-and-safety nonsense coming from the faceless bureaucrats sur le Continong about how we should deal with all the trimmings. Hic!

Frankly, there are too many trimmings around these days, thanks to the EU’s open-door policy on trimmings. What do they know of British trimmings? Nothing! Next they’ll be telling us we’ve got to fry a banger before we eat it! Hic!

My own policy is to just sit back, pour myself a glass or two of booze and let the trimmings cook themselves.

That’s how we as a nation have been cooking our Christmas dinners since Magna Carta first came out of the oven. Ukip is the only party that’s not afraid to talk about trimmings. So let’s have that debate, that’s what I say!

Farage said there are 'too many trimmings' around these days, thanks to the EU's 'open-door policy'

Q: But I’m still none the wiser about how to cook my Christmas dinner, Nigel. Please explain!

Nigel says: Frankly, when we signed up to government from the Continent, most Britons didn’t know what the giddy heck we were letting ourselves in for.

So let’s be quite clear about this. Hic! Cooking the Christmas turkey — and we’re not prepared to ignore the trimmings, however much they might want us to! — is not something we take lightly.

Far from it. Yes, we want a turkey; but no, we don’t want it cooked by Herman Van Rompuy and his faceless continental cohorts!

Q: Could you supply me with a recipe, please, Nigel?

Nigel says: I’ll get back to you on that one! You see, I’m not one of those identikit politicians offering quick-fix solutions based on directives from above! But if you want to know the best way to cook a turkey, there’s, frankly, no one more expert than Ukip’s highly regarded home economics spokesman, former TV star Mr Blobby MEP. Cheers!

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